Persons who have never been in an abusive relationship often struggle to understand why those who are being abused remain.
Patricia Smithe
This is according to Shannon Thomas, author of “Healing from Hidden Abuse,” who said that psychological abuse is insidious and occurs over time like an ivy drop of poison entering your veins.
The author said it starts with an off-hand comment here or an insult there but often, victims brush these moments off. But one person who has been brushing these moments off for 12 years is Patricia Smithe. But despite brushing these moments off, Patricia managed to end the years of abuse.
In 2004, Patricia met this handsome man of her dreams, with whom she wanted to spend the rest of her life. They got into a relationship and were happy. However, two years later, Patricia began being abused.
On the first occasion, I said that something is wrong, so I didn’t [reach] out to anyone. So, I dealt with it myself, and I said maybe, it is okay. To be honest with you.
After that, her relationship became very derogatory; it was so abusive that until 12 years, Patricia was convinced that she had enough.
“It was the 28 December, I was sitting outside, and he came home at like 5:30 am, so I said to him, I think I had enough. Enough is enough. And he told me, when I go to church on Sunday, I need you to ask Pastor ‘what is the difference between a compromising wife and a rebellious wife?’ So, I said okay.”
She continued, “But anyway, wherever you came from, you can go back; I had enough, and I was sitting outside, and I didn’t open the door, and he decided to jump up and hold on to the veranda edge. So, as he jumped up on the edge, for 12 years, there was a wood to the side, and I said it is 12 years of no peace and I need peace.”
She added that she picked up the wood and dealt her husband several lashes on his fingers, and he fell to the ground.
It gave me that strength from that moment that looking at him, he is weak because when his hands fell, he started crying like a baby, and I said, that is how I felt. After I finished packing his clothes and putting it outside, he went away, and I didn’t see him like for three days.
He then came back and picked his belongings and went away. Patricia then took a breath of relief, but little did she know that the relationship was far from over. A few months later, her husband came back and explained that he would like to return home. But Patricia said “no” she had enough.
So, he went away. He called me, and he told me, ‘I call to see if you are thinking about it because I would like to come home back.’ So, I said no, I am finished, so he hung up the phone.
Her husband then returned a call and hurled a series of expletives. He even threatened to take her to court for half of everything.
That was it for the day. He called me back [a few days later], and he said, “I would like to come home back, but we are not going to be together anymore; I would just like to be in the house for the children.’ I said no, it is over.
They then went to court, and the Magistrate enquired if there was any minor in the house, to which Patricia’s husband said “yes.”
[The Magistrate] asked him how he expected these children to sleep, and eat and all these things, and he couldn’t answer. So, [the Magistrate] turned and said, you’ll have to put $5000 at the court every week. After the $5000 was granted, he said, from today onwards, if you show her a sign or pass where she is living, I will send you to jail because this is more than what it is. So, he said for 5 years; I am going to place a restraining order so you wouldn’t go close to her.
Following the court proceedings, Patricia breathed a sigh of relief, but her journey was not over.
“One day, I was going into my yard, and I didn’t hear any steps. All I know, somebody hit me and like a gazed, and I was on my back in the yard. So, I saw him standing over me, and I was like, this is it because he didn’t give up, and I saw him over me.”
She added, “I closed my eyes and I stopped breathing and then I heard my daughter come by the door and she couldn’t get the door opened because it was grilled and she was like mom! Mom! And he was like to call Lyken for your mother because he thought I was dead because I stopped breathing.”
Following the incident, Patricia began locking herself up in the house. In fact, she relayed that every time she went outside, she would usually get a panic attack. However, one of Patricia’s friends who lived in the United States of America came to Guyana and helped her to overcome the fears.
When she came, she said, ‘have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror? You’re beautiful. Nothing he said can break you, and I need you to dress and step outside. Don’t be afraid,’ but I was so afraid because I was expecting him coming for me and she said to me, ‘this is it, take your life back, stop locking yourself in this house, it wouldn’t do you no good, you can go into depression, you can commit suicide, and so many things and you’re strong.’
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To this end, the domestic violence survivor said;
My life is amazing, I feel how I look, fabulous; I am independent, I am not dependent anymore being independent taught me so much and it was, for being dependent that caused me to be abused and be controlled.
Meanwhile, according to the Guyana Women’s Health and Life Experiences Survey, one in every two women in Guyana has or will experience Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) in their lifetime. According to the survey, more than half (55%) of all women experienced at least one form of violence in their lifetime.
